I'm Alive... Looking for Yoga

yo·ga (yō'ga) n.
~ A Hindu discipline aimed at training the consciousness for a state of perfect spiritual insight andtranquilityy.
~ A system of exercises practiced as part of this discipline to promote control of the body and mind.

I need to recenter myself. I feel as if I need to learn how to breathe again. I haven't posted for quite a while. My "being" has transferred into a constant of PAIN (see some of my journaling on that at http://chronicpainmystory.blogspot.com/) This is a Blog I have created to put into words what frustrations I am going through lately.

This week, after visiting with a new Pain Clinic and doctor, I once again have some temporary relief through medication. I hate drugs. But, would eat shit-on-a-stick now if I thought it would relieve some of my pain. I'm not going into my "pain" in this blog. This blog is for the positive things in my life.

What I want to share with you is my desire to begin the practice of Yoga. I have often thought about it, but never given it much more thought than that. At this point, with meds helping to lower my pain, I thought it would be a good time to test these waters. I do meditate at times, but not religiously. I, at one time in my life, could slip into meditative state for a few minutes quickly. However, this I learned through a study of biofeedback, not yoga. I would do it on a bus ride downtown. Hell, for a break during work hours, I would "disconnect" while sitting on the john in a quiet stall. Now, I find it hard to find that "place" (and I don't mean the stall...).

I hope Yoga reinstates what was once "me." If any of you have had experience with this practice, please share with me what you have found it to do for you.

OK... I am off to try and recapture a bit of my life today. I have committed to going out to lunch with a friend. My pain today is lower than it has been for quite a while. My mind is a bit fuzzy from some of my new meds, but I think I can do it, do it, do it... without thinking "I need to get out of here so I can cry because my pain-is-so-bad-I-can-no-longer-smile kind of way." This little social event is a small part of what I have lost over the past couple of years... just "being" with friends and laughing.

Oh, and I'm planning on getting a DVD on Yoga today also. I think the best place for me to start Yoga is by myself at home. A quiet, cozy place where I can just B - R - E - A - T - H - E

P.S. Thanks to all of you to have dropped me a line or two while I was away. I means more than you can imagine...